Unconditional

She pulled her hand away from mine, looking in the other direction. I remained quiet and as minutes passed by  she realized that her silent treatment wasn't enough to stir up a response. She looked me in the eye, and I could see the pain, I could see that I could have saved her and I didn't, I could see that I was partly if not entirely responsible for her suffering. Fighting back tears, she managed to speak, , "You knew all along, didn't you?". Too scared to look at her I kept gazing forward, while I could sense her fluctuating attempts to confront me, look me in the eye. I had to answer her, I owed that to her, I owed her a whole lot more than that, but even though I had anticipated this day, I had known I would have to answer her questions, even though I had assembled answers to those questions and practiced them, even when I had mustered up justifications to give to her, at that very moment I had nothing, absolutely nothing. "I did, all along. I wanted to tell you, I wanted to save you but it is your life and you have every right to make your decisions and I didn't want my opinions to influence your life", I knew it wasn't enough yet I had nothing more to say. Still not looking at her I could tell the tears have finally won ,her voice shaking with pain and perhaps anger as well, she almost yelled, "How could you? How could you do that to me? I trusted you. I loved you. I thought you were my best friend" She paused for a moment, wiped off her tears, breathed in a large chunk of air and then exhaled, "The worst thing is, I thought you loved me too". Startled, it all came back to me, the justifications and explanations I had been compiling. saving them up for this day "I do love you, but to me loving is setting people free, letting them make their share of mistakes, allowing them to fall and to get up on their own. To me love is letting the person  screw up completely and to let them set their life on fire but to be there for collecting the ash when nothing else remains. To me love is letting them jump off the cliff but being at the foot to catch them. Love to me isn't about saving but accepting even after the havoc they have caused. Everyone deserves to make their own mistakes and learn from them, yes it is a privilege to be able to do so, it might not seem like that at the moment but eventually you might be able to see that and find it in your heart to forgive me for I am, your best friend."