Lillies of Love

 I have found a love that is not all-consuming or treacherously torturous. It is calm and reassuring and gentle. Don't get me wrong it is frustrating at times and heartbreaking at others but more than anything it is fulfilling. I have struggled all my life with feeling loved, I have known that I am loved, I just have struggled to feel it, despite the constant reassurance and overwhelming evidence. So you can imagine the shock and turmoil of someone coming along and making me feel loved, even before ever saying they loved me. I am not saying it is not a wonderful shock, but it is also scary. It is so scary to be your most vulnerable self, an emotional mess, ever so angry at little things and still being loved, at your worst, and your best. It doesn't come without the guilt, just because they make you feel safe enough that you don't have to hide your worst from them, doesn't mean they should have to deal with it. But let me tell you despite the overwhelming guilt, the gratitude for being loved on the days you don't think you deserve love is one of the most elating and yet humbling feeling in the world.