I am going to be 18

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In a matter of few days, I am going to turn 18, I'll be able to vote, I'll be an adult. I am not sure if I am ready, ready to grow up, ready to be an adult. It's not the normal "I always want to 16" feeling, growing old doesn't bother me, but growing up sure does. Yes, there is a difference I am not going to pour out that growing old is  a natural factor and growing up is a mere feeling crap here because it is a little more to me than just that. In the world I live becoming an adult doesn't account for anything and for everything at the same time. No, I won't be allowed to take all the decisions of my life, I still will have to ask my parents to go hang out with my friends or even for an extra class, I still won't be allowed to work, yet I'll be thrashed down everyday and night with "Take some responsibility, you are no more a kid".
 Another factor that upsets me is, what is that I have accomplished? Where is my list of great big achievements? What was my high point in the past 18 years? I have never really wished for time to stop before, but these days every passing second I want to do something, make myself useful but my pessimist self has taken over, all I do is see the clock, do its job. I don't even know what is that I want to do with my future, or if I even have one. I am studying Pre-medical, because my mother wants me to be a doctor, but I hardly believe that it's possible as I have already failed my Chemistry Sendup, Re-Sendup and I am sure that I didn't pass the Re-Re-Sendup either. I feel to have disappointed myself and everyone else. This melancholy seems to have taken over my mind. I have never been afraid of failure, but now I feel like everyone is mocking me for being a loser, which keeps me from sharing my problems with anyone and keeping it all in kills me every second. I am not sure what causes this despondency, all I know is I want it to end soon, very soon. 
Oh well, I wish my 18th birthday brings along hope and love. 

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