Unsent Letter

 I have decided that I don't hate you anymore. I don't think I ever actually hated you, but I did resent you. I resented you for so long, for not putting in enough effort, for falling out of love with me, for taking me for granted. But I never hated you, I loved you too much to ever be able to hate you. I think we both went in it with love, I am sure that I did but I think you did too, because I felt loved, I felt wanted, I felt complete. Maybe that was the problem, you were not the missing piece, that was not on you but that is a discussion for another day. I think we went in with love or infatuation mistaken for love and when we ran out it, whatever that it was, we were afraid or perhaps too lazy to come out. I don't know about you but I know I knew deep down that we had run out of whatever that it was, but I kept telling myself, maybe if I put in a little more effort, a little more time we will rekindle it. I don't know about you though, because you stopped telling me how you felt and maybe that was your way of telling me. But see when it comes to people I love, or anything really I don't like games, I don't like guessing. Yet I had to assume everything because you were not telling me anything and then for you to get mad at  me for assuming everything, it was a little unfair don't you think. Both of us were accomplices in ignoring the fact that we had run out, maybe because we were too comfortable, or maybe we did not know any better. But I know now, we ran out long before you had the courage to step away, for which I will be eternally grateful by the way because if you had not I would still be pushing it, telling myself maybe if I put in a little more effort, a little more time we will rekindle it. I told myself all those things because you did not listen. But today I have decided that I don't hate you anymore. Because starting out we both had so much love and good intentions, and even though we ran out of the former we never ran out of the latter. We just did not know what to do, so stayed with something that once felt like home, I know for me it did. We went on being unhappy thinking how it was supposed to be until you put a stop to it. To be honest that is what makes me scared, makes me unsure to start something new, I am afraid I will make the same mistakes because I don't know when to stop trying for the people I love, or think I love. The thing about mistakes is that you seldom know they are mistakes when you making them.