Lemon CheeseCake

It is amazing to be present and not being there, not in a good way of course. Most of the times when we find ourselves helpless we wait for the suffering to be over, we learn to endure, to submit to what we can't change, we spend our days counting minutes, our weeks counting days, our years counting months. What is terrifying are the consequences not of the suffering or misery itself but of the endurance and the submission in a way we learn to be okay with what isn't right, what should have been right, what is ugly and harmful for everyone. We slowly and unconsciously become numb after a while. It seems like we can live with it and everyone else should be able to as well. Endurance, putting one foot after the other, hanging  in there, whatever you may call it no one deserves to live like that, we all deserve to live without fear, live out loud, live the life we want. Yet most of us spend our days, lives even, waiting, enduring, hoping. We shouldn't have to.

Indigo, for some  reason I had associated that colour with her. Indigo glitter if I were to be specific.I saw her walking my way and I could see tiny indigo confetti sprinkling in the background. Everything she did, illustrated perfection, walking, speaking, looking even breaking hearts. She didn't do anything she wasn't perfect at . She would walk into a room quietly yet everyone would notice her, they say some people are born with spark, she lived with one. She was my favorite thing to look at, to wish for, to be scared of. She was my biggest desire, my darkest nightmare. 

She lived in agony. She couldn't complain for she was blessed. She couldn't be thankful for she found herself helpless a little too often.