Lemon CheeseCake

 It is frustrating and exhausting to be with you and not even be with you. To love you with all my heart and to know that you are not mine, never will be. To force myself to not even think if you can be. To wait for you to text, to not be sure if you can't reply or if you don't want to. To not being able to count on you, to think if I was dying and I called you, you might not even be able to answer. To love you anyway. To keep reminding myself that I have no right on you whatsoever, to know that you own me nonetheless. To love you, anyway.

The smell of your breath, the touch of your hand, and most importantly the way you made me feel, I am losing you bit by bit. I wish I could explain how I feel but I don't even know where to start because I am losing me bit by bit too. There are things and people and times and nothing compares to you because it doesn't make me feel like you did. I am a stranger entrapped in this body, everyday a little less than the one you knew because I am losing me bit by bit.

It scares me when people say things like, "don't worry if you didn't get what you deserve, God/Karma will make it up to you in another way", "all debts are paid in this world". It scares me because what about all the things we got and didn't deserve. Nobody talks about that. Is there a reverse compensation for that? Would we have to give up the things we didn't really earn or something else to make up for it? If not, then how is any of this fair? But nobody talks about that.